today is mother’s day
a short couple months a go, as most of you know, i lost my mom.
and now, its the first mother’s day.
i tried ignoring it, i tried forgetting just about today, but of course-
that sort of thing doesn’t really work.
then i wanted to go through my journal i was keeping after my mom passed, that i am taking a break from, my special journal i bought right before, or after, i bought one i knew she’d love.
that’s not happening, i can still quote back some of those things so, its no use opening it up, unless im adding to it.
but again, i am working on fostering positive memories
i want them to wash away the ones that mix-up the situation
that careen your mind out of stability and into emotionality
not that i deny my emotions in the least, i still have to be able to process them.
i havn’t posted any images of my mom online, i have just a few that i look at for now.
its been strange considering what to write since until yesterday or the day before i had done pretty well at “forgetting mother’s day” and now here i am , sunday morning, just talking.
its not an easy task to choose words to describe personal tragedy, everyone gets caught up on what they think the words mean, rather than what you might be trying to express, so when it comes to a time in which a wordy description is required, even in our own personal description, we miss what we mean most of the time because of our own definitions etc, and so forth.
what does this mean?
not much to many, but to a whole world of people, that means a lot.
a general understanding doesn’t need a description.
that being said, my general understanding is that i will always miss my mom, i will always love her and she will always be with me- no matter which way you look at that- whether its genetic, or metaphysical in your understanding, its still there to be contended with. it is also my general understanding that, sooner or later, the times that cause nightmares will wash away and inform the memories that which i am seeking.
thanks mom! i couldn’t do it without you!
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That was perfectly said!
thanks!!
This was so beautiful. I lost my mother almost exactly two years ago after twenty years of estrangement, and without getting the chance to heal any of the ills between us, whether real or perceived. Her birthday would have been on Mother’s Day this year.
I’ve never mourned.
We had huge issues.
But what you wrote is lovely, and pure, and I wish I could borrow it for my reality.
Thank you.
thanks so much for writing in, i appreciate it so much