Sometimes I do set an intention in yoga asana class (in words) and sometimes I don’t. It really depends on how I feel and what has transpired before class throughout the day. Sometimes- it’s just too hard to choose- SO MANY THINGS come up that I have to take control and toss all that shit aside- because after all, I have like .05 seconds to set it and “sorting” is futile. Sometimes it’s just there and that is usually about health, well-being and right action. A lot of times, especially in times of turmoil- the intention is a feeling … to find comfort …stay in a pleasant mood… work with an injury (I will be mind full of my … blah blah blah- ok ok, not so blah- “I will be mindful of my Serratus anterior”) and quite commonly in the past 2 years “Please let me not cry too much tonight” or, BETTER yet “when I cry I will be able to see through the tears”.

But, most recently “to find magic in the transitions”. In San Francisco, as in a lot of cities- it is so darn easy to just walk around like you have a “Bobble Head”- from one place to another- bob bob bobbing along –> side note [This is one of the reasons I like ”Instagram” so much, I get to take many pauses, and with no fuss have a fun little pic to take with… now to just get off the 3G… anyways, find me there @faern]

I digress… setting an intention at the beginning of yoga class has always been interesting for me, and these “intentions” take many forms- I have both burst into tears and laughter (yes, sometimes at the same time) and I just accept that whatever that was had to come out in one way or another.

If the “setting your intention” thing still confuses you, or is too “woo woo” for you I have a very important secret to share with you- you do not actually have to set the intention. Yep, I said it, you don’t. WHY? Here’s the trick- just by showing up and participating in the class you have already set one. No way around it…

…. Let that go…. Try that out….

{image: Khristine Jones}

There is some trick; I am convinced, to being alive in San Francisco. Each day I wonder. Each day starts with a level of unsure ness. All that seems to be happening is a certain amount of constant re-arranging. It is tiring. Basically it is some “journal” and I spending too much time together. I have become void in the face of re-arranging my business. It takes all of me not to scrap it all, but then just thinking that hurts. The past few weeks have been so darn confusing, and as I said, tiring. Everyone always said not to go into the arts, over and over. This consistent disrespect for my being has been so deeply ingrained that when someone pays no respect to me it just falls in line with that. And, quite frankly, that is most unacceptable than anything else & I have been letting it happen. I’ve allowed myself to be void and now I am struggling to come back from it. A thick swampy void. For a while, it was as if I had forgotten all that means anything to me. Lost it all. Void.

To work within the void is where the “trick” lives. That this void is actually space – takes some faith. That this void is not loss – takes some talking into. That the way this void is highlighting so many in congruencies between my Self and the work I’m doing, what I am doing and whom I am doing it with is important, uncomfortable, but very important. Nothing new persey – just an active game of hide and seek compiled with some self respect. In the void I was in “re-examination mode”, but in a way that developed with some extra reality.

Removing certain “services” from my repertoire for 2012 and adding in some things that serve me on another level. This is hard for me, it is easy to believe that someone that is focused in the way I am has already been functioning on this level – but I’m here to tell you, it is a learned trait. It is really important to me that my  (Art)work and my life are able to coincide and then, on top of that, income created. These are not the same things. For so long I have been looking at these things as if they were the same, but it is 100% not, related- yes, the same, no. Art vs. Artistic. Period.

Where was I? OH right, The Void. This place is really uncomfortable, pretty much sucks for a while, as for it’s “agitating” qualities.

But, without this void, all is really nothing.

{image courtesy of Clean Socks Project}

by faern

via ART on STREETS: Great Adventure.

Tomorrow Please join me for cocktails and a special viewing of my newest Mixed Media work…

I will be in the lounge of “Solstice Restaurant & Lounge” with new ‘Photo Mixed Media’ & ‘Mixed Media’ pieces.

5:30pm to about 9:30pm to check out my newest art (and maybe buy some, bring cash).

Works in progress, some will be done for the show tomorrow!

Most of the work will be “miniature” or “small”, come view work in this unique environment and enter the giveaway!

more works in progress that will be at show (completed, that is)

Make sure you say hello! Get a sticker!
…
The work will be from an assortment of my series’ from “Interlude : Actuate” to the most current work that is
heavy on San Francisco specific imagery and some pieces include Muni Transfers part of a series called “InterUrban Reflections”!

North Beach photo mixed media (detail) will be at show

I am really excited about this, please join me! I had a glass of wine the other night at ‘Solstice’ during happy hour and it was really cheery! (the wine and the environment) So please come join me, check out some art, but some…. (maybe stay for dinner… looked great to me)

The other day I had fun taking pics of the outside of Solstice, check it out~ The Outside of Solstice

Hope to see you there!

Upcoming 2012 Dates:
Jan 25 Solstice One Night Showing

Lunch Hour Portraits 11am-2pm
(see website for scheduling):
FEB- 2,9,16,23
and unless a new day of the week becomes more useful->
MARCH- 1,15,22,29

Spring Open Studios!!
April 14&15 11am-5pm

As Lunar New Year is upon us I find myself taking in a lot of new energy. A lot of things are changing around me and I am implementing some pretty necessary alterations (around some other things that still go un-rectified) so, in a sense, these are yet again doubly-transitional times, but stable at the same time, it is so interesting. All I really can do is just keep going and have the faith that what I’m doing will get me where I need to be- or better yet that what I am doing can eventually take away that need to “get anywhere”.

For a while I have been humming and hawing over what my next post should be about… I wanted to do a “re-cap” post sorta thing, but that’s not happening anymore. I also wrote “11 things I learned In 2011″ which really ending up translating too “Let’s get that last bitch in” so that will stay in the journal. There’s a lot of things going on, a lot at once, most up in the air, so it’s hard to choose WHAT to talk about, and then from what perspective- because the “hierarchy” has been removed.

This new “open-ness” has left a lot of “space” in the place that used to be filled with confusion. This is not to say that I have found ANY answer, only that the answers have changed. That which was here, is still here- but coupled with a new knowledge that if I don’t keep going- shoving these puzzled pieces in their spot- everything stops. Clamoring around in nostalgia is a killer, and wondering if things will come out ok, futile. For almost two years now I have been on one side or another of festering. Yes, grieving is an important process- a lot of things happen around that. Defining “loss” is exponential and if there were one tip, one little bit of advice, it would be to not confuse personal resentments with your grieving. take that as you like it.

I allowed my grief to take control of my life. I have dealt with a lot of loss over the years, but I have never really grieved. In the past (almost) two years I took the time to pay attention to my feelings around the deaths of each monumental passing. Awesome, right? haha, No. I mean, yes, great to finally do that, but not so great expecting to maintain my life while doing so. I effectively lost my “day job”, played ping pong with my health, lost contact with the rest of my family, bent a rib having a panic attack (did you know you could bend a rib? no? neither did I) But it ws when I started to question art making that the depth of the problem became apparent.

Not to say that the other stuff isn’t important, it’s just that in order for my life to become my “own” I get to deal with this first because in the end, ultimately, we stand alone. All of these things came to light rather quickly. But, Questioning making art? What? How can I sit here with a strait face and say that? The ONE thing that is such a major part of me, that has been here the whole time, was in danger of falling into the “Depths of Despair” – never to be seen again except in mechanical process. That I would allow my feelings revolving around loss (both death and misunderstanding) control the effectiveness of my future… I’ve had plenty of that, thanks, but NOW that this is such a big black pool of emotion that I can see now, I’m considering that I can avoid this part of my shadow some now. Rapidity of transitioning aspects creates an urgency to get shit off my chest in some way. To directly face my own anxiety and what comes with that. To just stand.

by faern

via KAYO Anime Clothing Turns Non-Reality into Reality.

The first post was today, here…

One of the most valuable tools I have gathered from Yoga is the effect we can have on the environment around us. That, believe it or not, as people taking the time to learn “The science of getting to know the self” (from Stephanie Snyder via Sri Dharma Mittra) this is 100% possible- it may not seem this way to a lot of folks- but that is ok. All we really can do is deal with what we have been given with the facilities we have developed.

What inspires me is dissolving within this pool- and I am sure that is what is agitating me. So I return to my mat and seek within. This has all come out of a time of great separation- some with intent- some unfortunately a reactional response… that would be great to over turn, but that takes work that has to be agreed upon. A lot of times, the only person that is going  to work on things with you is yourself, which again leads me back to my yoga mat.

What is the moral to this story?

Not sure yet, I think I’ll go take a yoga class…

Some Updates…. Untapped- have you found us yet? You really should come on by!

UNTAPPED SF

I have Tumblr now, it’s called “FaernSpan” PLEASE come see, thanks

Recently there was a fire on the top floor of our building. A bad one. We also learned that the fire alarm didn’t work, this note was posted after the fire was put out. I think they fixed it today…

This was what I came home to that day (well, this is a quiet photo). I feel so badly for the family that lost everything.

If you are on Instagram, please fine me! (as Faern)

I am still working away on the muni transfer pieces, here are some in progress.

PLEASE stay tuned-

OH- ** I am really looking for a place to show the series, please help me out!

One of my favorite things to do is take pictures that deal with our transportation system AKA “muni”. Above is one of my faves, Muni Diaries often features my images, check them out!

“Clean Socks Project” is off to a roaring start!

I have a weekly column on Untapped called ‘ART on STREETS’ please come on over and see art around San Francisco.

You can see ALL of my posts so far by clicking ~here~

As most of you already know, I am in the beginning of a documentary project on Mongolian Contortion. This project molds my studies in cultural anthropology with my years of photographing the body but also allows for a focus on a personal connection to my work. As I go through photographing the students of Serchmaa Byamba I am as well developing my own personal practice and broadening my self confidence that are both completely inspired by Mongolian Contortion. By doing these things in tandem I am allowing for a deeper understanding of the bodies I am photographing and documenting the nuances comes more naturally. I have created a multi-experience for myself to both feel by actually experiencing what contortionists go through as well as representing it via my fine art mediums. (I say “mediums” here because I hope to take this project to the mixed media level as well, but the documentary aspect and the experiences take precedence at this time).

Photographically, this is a direct extension of my project called “Interlude:Actuate” in which I created a series of fine art pieces based on photographs of people in “bound” Yoga Asana. Exploring the “bind” itself visually as an extreme connection to both the self and how we move forward. Using asana photography, specifically “bound” asana to symbolize the pauses in life, the ‘Interludes’. Combining this with an organic texture to represent growth, or activation- the movement of life- the action, ‘Actuating’. But now, considering Mongolian Contortion as the “next step”, so to speak, when it comes to photographing the body in “extreme” postures it only made perfect sense to take my work to the next level this way via the art of documentary.

What makes this project special is that I am working alongside Rise Pictures and collaborating on a documentary film! So, as I develop my imagery as described above and I am contributing to an amazing piece on Mongolian Contortion where we are exploring teacher student relationships, the development of the art form and teaching style in the west as well as producing fun events where you can come see what the buzz is all about, experience a variety of styles of contortion as well as traditional artists from the Mongolian National Ensemble here in San Francisco…

Come, experience the “Clean Socks Project” this Saturday!

Here is our website (still under construction)

Here is a film “Teaser”

Event Info>

A benefit for ‘Clean Socks’ a contortion documentary and the Cayuga Gym (Royal Russian Kung Fu Circus Training Academy of Heavenly Mountain) Holiday party!

We had our first intimate show and now we having a more formal production!

…

We’d like to show you appx. 90 minutes of the beautiful efforts of students, friends and professionals!

We have contortionists (Mongolian classical and inspired), aerialists, contemporary dance from local and international artists, pole artists, traditional Mongolian musicians from the Mongolian National Orchestra and folk dancers. Even more!

Support the documentary! Contortion is simple and for everybody. It is also hard, develops patience and changes your life! We hope to share this art form through the film AND the process of the project.

Produced by Tsogtbayar Namsrai (Rise Prodiuctions) and Faern (www.Faernworks.com)

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SATURDAY DEC. 10th

Doors OPEN @ 7:30

Show BEGINS @ 8pm, end 930. Party after~

$10-$20 sliding scale tickets.

All sales of the event go to the production of the film and photo documentary. The artists are all donating their time and efforts to help fundraise. We ask for your attendance and hope you are entertained!

Feel free to bring your dressed up fancy self and friends for a holiday get together after!!

____________________________

impossible without the

::::PERFORMANCES BY:::

Fleeky Flanco

Sasha Harrington

Inka

Indie + Friend

Sophia Fox

Dancers and Musicians of the Mongolian National Ensemble

Benjamin Hancock

Bree ‘Rock’ Noack

Featherpistol

Lance Centanni-Sachs

Tara Quinn

Amy & Hooslyn

www.cleansocksproject.org

www.faern-in-the-works.com

On this day of one we have the chance to stand up, or fall down. On this day of one I am choosing to be me. To allow myself to fall into myself. To leave all this doubt and all this confusion behind so that I may contribute. To know where my passion is and to be in line with that, instead of always swirling around so many new ideas. Not that I want them to stop- I am just planning domestication of my convictions in order to cultivate them.

On this day of one, I feel awake. Astrologically things are “going my way” in a sense, and it is really helping me out- to actually feel “in tune” with life again in absolutely the greatest gift and I am turning this leaf over by not wondering when it will all fall away- as is my “habit” – this is me flicking my own forehead with my own middle finger “enough already”- and it is done.

On this day of one I find myself whole and upon this realization tears flow into my eyes- people can see me crying in this coffee shop, but yet I am smiling.

Day of ones.